Updates, updates from 2009

Updates - at the close of 2009...

It's truly been one of those years that I think back on, sigh, and say, "How the hell did we get through this?" Beside the litany of family issues (and BOY was this ever a good year for that stuff!), there was my decision to stop grad school, the excitement of the wedding, and the stress and joy a new puppy brings. How we managed it ALL is beyond me. I mean... how the hell did it all happen?

I remember last year, sitting down to write my Thanksgiving post, feeling happy to just have fingernails! That's how crazy the end of last year was. And, of course, that only rolled into a more stressful, more insane year of 2009. I never imagined that we'd be able to muster the gumption to see another year through. But, cycle on we do, and live on we must, and so goes another calendar year.

For me, personally, this year has been one of true bittersweet beginnings and endings. As we speak, Jacob's father has made it through, by the skin of his teeth and via his own sheer will to keep on living, yet another heart attack. This one left him with barely any heart function and more of a chance that he'd not make it than ever before. But by golly, he's up, awake, funny, sarcastic, and asking after our dog (like usual). Yes, bittersweet. He's here, but it's clear that it's the beginning of the end.

Then, of course, there are more trivial matters, like my choice to end grad school and go searching for a "calling" that is pulling me somewhere... I just don't know exactly where. This decision was two years in the making, and while I'm happy to be done with the droning on and on that happens within the academy, I'm sad to think that this sure-fire thing I had going on (i.e. being a student) is ending. So are my dreams to be a PhD before 30 - not that I ever really wanted that, I just thought I did. Or something. The sword cuts both ways on this one. On the plus side, I'm free. On the negative side, I'm somewhat lost. On the whole though, I'm supported through this adventure, which is ultimately makes it a decision worth making.

My family is finally (fingers crossed!) making it out of the woods. And those were some nasty, NASTY woods we all trudged through in 2009. I have more hope than ever in my brother and sister, as well as my parents and myself, that we're going to be ok. Finally. Sometimes I wonder what we all did in a past life to be put through such pain this year! Yet again, the silver lining is that we now appreciate each other more than ever, and hopefully this sentiment won't dissolve any time soon.


Penny and Jacob are well. In fact, they are my life and my joy each and every day. Jacob is the best human being that was ever placed on this planet. He's shown me - in such beautiful ways - how to be a husband, a friend, and a true confidant. How I ever managed to live life before him is sometimes beyond me! How I made it this far in grad school seems impossible without him, that's for sure. And that darn puppy... she's a little slice of heaven. A menace, to be sure, but a joy nonetheless.

Updates, updates... Makes me wonder what 2010 will bring. A new job? New friends? New adventures? New crises? New worries? Yes, probably. But, my goodness, if 2009 has taught me anything it's that I can handle a LOT. I mean... a LOT. Not to taunt 2010, but bring it on! I'm able to handle whatever you throw at me. Not much scares me anymore. Bring it.

Things my dog teaches me

Allow me to introduce you to our puppy, Penny Lane.
She is, objectively, the cutest creature ever created. Her little face is just a slice of heaven. Her fur is velvety smooth (thank you Taste of the Wild!!) and her breath the perfect puppy-scent. She trots along with her head held high as if to say, "Hello world! I am, in fact, the picture of cute! A perfect gem to be admired! Adore me!"

Ah yes. It's this cuteness that gets us into trouble sometimes. You see, of course she's cute and all, but don't let that fool you. She's a handful and a half. She expects a lot from us, her dear parents, and she has us well trained. Sure, she has learned to sit and stay, but now she's cleverly parlayed that into the fine art of simply sitting and laying down without being asked. This, of course, is so cute and irresistible that we have no choice but to throw her a yummy bit of hot dog or cheese. Penny is not only cute, she's apparently a genius.

Don't get me wrong! She's a blast. Her energy is infectious and her personality is so endearing. And not only brought a ton of joy and laughs into our lives, but she has also turned out to be quite the teacher. To my chagrin, I have learned quite a bit from this little chocolate lab. Here I thought that I was going to be the one to impart knowledge and skills and love to my dog, but oh no no no. It has often ended up being quite the opposite. Here, friends, is an ever-growing list of things my puppy has taught me:

1. It's always better to be totally tired at the end of the day. That way, the second you find your comfy bed, you IMMEDIATELY fall asleep. (Bye-bye Ambien!)

2. It pays to eat good food. Watch as your skin improves, your hair becomes full and sleek, and your energy level sky-rockets.

3. Exercise, exercise, exercise. It helps make #1 on our list happen.

4. It's ALWAYS acceptable to jump around joyfully for no reason whatsoever. You'd be surprised how many people you can make smile that way.

5. Be silly.

6. Be outside as much as possible. Run and play out there. Get in the mud, the grass, the leaves and dirt. Get dirty.

7. Grow.

8. Never say no to an opportunity to snuggle or have our back (or belly, or right behind the ear) scratched. It feels AMAZING :-)

9. It's ok to cry sometimes.

10. Most things are better with cheese on them.


11. I think you'll find that you can say, "I love you" with your eyes. No words necessary.


So, there you have it. These are just a few of the things I've learned from my 3 month old puppy. Although my life is very different with her in it - it's far less spontaneous and free - it is, indeed, richer and more alive with meaning. I find the TV off a lot more, my shoes dirty by the back door, and my head hitting the pillow accompanied by a strong sense of accomplishment... and exhaustion.

Stay tuned for more life lessons from our sage puppy, Penny Lane.

Reporting from my couch

No, it's not swine flu. I promise. Never before have I been so self-conscious about having a cold. Yes, I have a full-blown, uncomfortable, annoying cold. It's migrated from my sinuses to my chest and left me reclined on my couch for almost 2 days now.

Usually, I relish being able to soak up the relaxation and delve into the blissfully nothing-filled day. This time, not so much. Let's just say the timing couldn't be worse. First, it's the last week of classes. Not only does that mean that finals are next week, but it also means that I am missing course evaluations and end-of-the-semester teaching obligations that just suck to not accomplish. My students have their last assignment due today (a poster presentation) and I'm not going to be there to grade them! And, due to our end of the year status, I can't just push the due date back, like usual. What's a sick teacher/student to do? Well, I wish I knew.

And if that's not bad enough, consider that tomorrow is my birthday. Yep. I'm going to be sick for my birthday and all the associated festivities. I'm pissed. Oh! And not only that, but yesterday (when I was also sick) was Jacob and my 2 year anniversary. I spent it in a sudafed haze and could not appreciate Jacob's company on that special day. Tonight, we had reservations to go to the #1 restaurant in Cincinnati and blow a bunch of dough on some delicious rabbit, fois gras, and sea scallops. No, instead I will be drinking Gypsy Cold Care tea, which is good, but doesn't hit the spot in the same way that a scrumptious plate of sea scallops with potato puree and a glass of Pinot Grigio does. Dammit.

So, with that, I'm going to blow my nose, wash my hands, and drink yet another cup of tea. I'll let you know when this passes. In the mean time, I have a dinner reservation to reschedule, a party to not go to, and work to not get done. Happy Birthday to me!

fondly,
me (on the couch)

Perfect brown rice

Ok! So, I'm not much of a cook. I'm not even really much of a sous-chef. My chopping skills are getting better, but I'll be damned if I can ever dice an onion properly. Those darn layers just split apart no matter how I try.

That being said, I have managed to perfect the art of cooking brown rice. This simple grain, the staple of diets of millions around the world, is easy to cook and imparts a wonderfully nutty flavor. A container of this yummy stuff can sit in your fridge during the work week. Grab a spoonful of it and mix in fresh veggies, grilled chicken, or just a handful of spinach or arugula. It makes the perfect lunch. It is so healthy it's ridiculous and, I'm telling you, it fills you up.

Give yourself about an hour to prepare this. Keep in mind, about ALL of this time is spent away from the stove. Walk away! Do some laundry. Read. Cook the rest of your dinner. I choose not to use a rice cooker for brown rice. For whatever reason, brown rice tastes better when cooked on the stove.
Ingredients:
2 cups of brown rice
4 cups of water or chicken stock, or some combination of both
salt and pepper
1 dish towel
The ratio of water to rice is 2:1. This means, two cups of water to one cup of brown rice. HINT! Use low-sodium chicken stock instead of water. The chicken stock will add some great flavor and some protein.
Pour rice and water/stock into heavy-bottomed pot. Salt and pepper the mixture. Give it ONE stir with a spoon. Cover and heat until boiling. When you notice steam pouring out from the lid, turn down the head to low and just let it sit. Set the timer for exactly 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, open the lid. You should still hear that boiling, bubbling noise. That's good. Turn off the heat (I use a gas stove, so this also means taking the pot off the heat. If you use an electric stove, remove the whole pan from the heat.) Then, grab that dish towel. Drape it over the open pot and put the lid on top. This will soak up extra moisture leaving you with perfectly moist, slightly al dente rice. Just let the towel sit on top of the pot for about 10 minutes, fluff, and eat! Store in a container - it's good for about a week (maybe just a work week).

Spring?

Today I woke up to the sunshine spilling through the attic window in Jacob's parent's house. It felt comforting and nurturing. Like a warm hug the instant you open your eyes. For me, it's like a shot of Prozac into my veins. It invites a smile and a sigh.

My hope is that this means spring is on its way. I try not to anticipate these things too much, because I know that my hopes will get dashed the second my energy rises and I get excited about the prospect of flowers blooming, sun shining, and birds chirping. But, I think... yes, I'm pretty sure, that spring is coming.

So, here's to sun-filled mornings that draw you outside to enjoy what the Earth provides for us. Here's to new, fresh foods at the farmer's market. Here's to taking runs outside at the crack of dawn. Here's to smiles and happiness. Here's to the smell of earth and new life, to twitterpation and new love. Here's to spring!

Not procrastinating

Well, I've done it. I've actually done it.

The "it" here is, obviously, working on my Thesis. I'm now the happy recipient of 4 interviews with my participants! To be more specific, I have 2 interviews with 4 people each. Let's call it about... maybe 7-8 hours of data? In my book, not a bad start at all. Certainly something to start writing the rest of my Thesis with. Le sigh...

It feels pretty darn good to get that part of the work out of the way. The funny thing that happened while I was listening to the heart-warming and heart-wrenching stories these people told me was, Whoa... I could really do this. Like, I could listen to these kinds of stories all my life. They are not only intellectually stimulating (because, we all know how much my brain gets off to narratives of madness) but also emotionally and spiritually satisfying, too. The stories people tell are so alive. I listened as they took shape, changed, and morphed again into something rich and something to make sense of. You see, we understand ourselves by the stories we tell. Think about telling someone about who you are... You tell a story. Stories organize our existences. They make sense of senseless situations. They imbibe meaning into experiences so that we have a sense of who we are, where we've been, and what forms our identities.

In short, these interviews and these stories have opened me up to a new world of understanding. I'm re-invigorated to do this paper, not just because it's interesting material, but because I want to share these stories with others. They are impactful. They question the way our mental health system works. They reveal the travesties that occur from child sexual, verbal, physical, and emotional abuse. It challenges the way we typically think about treating people that suffer from severe psychological problems. It's stuff that people need to know.

So, my lapse of procrastination has turned out to be quite a treat. A success. But, stay tuned, because as soon as break ends, I'm sure I'll be back to my old tricks... making the bed 10 times over to pass the time, organizing the spice rack alphabetically. The usual. Perhaps less than often than I typically do, because I've got stories to tell.

Annoyed

Ok. I'm officially annoyed. No, wait. I'm pissed. With my students. I presume none of them read this blog (we're not facebook friends or anything), so I will write with impunity.

When we were undergrads did we wait until the VERY last minute to read the requirements for an assignment, get very confused, then email the instructor with stupid questions? Did we have selective attention during class and actually tune OUT the important information that would make said stupid questions irrelevant? Oh yeah. That's right. We paid attention. We, for the most part, at least started assignments earlier than 4 hours before it was due to be sure we were good to go. So, why, God, why have I been cursed this semester?

Now, the thought did cross my mind that I was not clear about the assignment when I talked about it numerous times in class or in my posted, on-line instructions or on my assignment sheet... But then I hear my own thoughts buzzing around in my head and think: Nope. No, I've been perfectly clear. Many times I've been perfectly clear. This is bolstered by a number of drafts my good, sweet, angels of students have written me a week before the due date. These papers, folks, were lovely. No confused questions attached with the drafts. No annoying clarifications. Just well-written papers handed in by rubric-following students. I love them.

On the other hand, I am started to get fairly miffed by the handful of students that think that last-minute scrambling to write an important paper and then emailing me at the last minute will go unnoticed by me. It's not. I see you! I know you've been putting this off even though you've known about it for... um, I don't know... 6 weeks! WTF! Grrrrrrrrrrr. I growl at you, students.

Annoyed. I'm officially annoyed. I have about 12 hours to deflate, relax and greet my little students tomorrow morning. Of course, I can't treat my little annoyances any differently than my little angels, so I really have to just calm down and let the air out of my tires. I mean, I never really pulled this stuff in college, but I'm sure I had plenty of friends who did. They're not stupid people, I know. They don't do this on purpose to tick me off, I know. But I suppose I'll never fail to be surprised with what some of my students will think they can get away with.

All I have to say is that if even one of my students comes crying to me on the last day of class about their grade, I'm gonna scream!