Breakthroughs

I have had a number of breakthroughs in the past few days. Some of them minute (i.e. interacting with my thesis for a whole 15 minutes) and some of them very huge (i.e. having revelations about "who i am"). And I must say, within these varied and mostly uncomfortable epiphanies, one constant remained. Friends.

Each of these breakthroughs ended with me thinking, "Gee, I'm really thankful I have friends." They see me through this shit that is my life. When I think I'm really out to sea and there's no way anyone could ever get it, my friends seem to figure it out. They know what's going on. And they're there for me. Like... every time. How crazy!

It's funny to think that when you're dashing through a life that is so not what you thought it would be for you that you can find people to hang on to. And that they hang on to you. I often feel that my insane life and constant troubles would be enough to turn any rational, intelligent being away. That even those who know me would suddenly say, Ok, Rach! You're just too much for me now! But no. My friends don't do that.

Astonishing.

So, as these breakthroughs continue to come, I realize that I can relax into whatever situation I find myself in. I've got a few people hanging out that really care. And it puts everything into perspective. The world is a dizzying place. For me during these past two years, the world has been somewhat hard to handle, scary, and challenging. I've done things I wish I hadn't, I've done things I never imagined I could do, and I've become a person that I'm not sure I ever thought I'd be. I'm lightyears away from anything I ever intended for myself. I'm also very happy in many ways. And when I sit back and reflect on that happiness, I see the faces of my friends, of Jacob, my siblings, and my family. But mostly, here in Oxford, I see my friends. Each of them (and, of course, Jacob) is making my crazy life doable. And no matter how much I screw it up, they somehow still find love to give to me.

And isn't that the most profound breakthrough of all?